I thought the building was falling over, but it was just your mom leaning in her chair, reaching for a slice of pizza.

Ugly.com called, asking for you mom, so I handed her the phone and she said yes to their offer.

Your mom’s forehead looked red and sore, so I zipped up and let her stand.

Your mom came running at me full speed naked, so I frantically held up health food to make her run the other way.

When I threw the chicken bone into the street, your mom ran after it and totaled a pickup truck.

I laid a hot dog across your mom’s feet, she looked down drooling but couldn’t reach it.

The baboon at the zoo died just before opening day, so your mom colored her ass with crayons, climbed into the cage, and the zoo was saved.

I saw your mom’s photo on Facebook, then realized I was on whores.com.

If your mom was a building, she’d be a dollar store.

Your mom took off her clothes and reached for a Tom Petty album. I quickly shouted, “Free Falling!” and ran out of the room, laughing like a dick.

When your mom spread her legs, all the fish in the sea got homesick.

Your dad asked me to pass the gravy, so I told your mom to crawl over to him.