Your mom is coming over right now, and when she leaves I’ll have to put out more ant traps.

Your mom sat on Cleveland, and when she stood up Lebron went to Miami.

Your mom emailed me her picture, and when I looked my computer crashed due to unsupported resolution.

When I try to sleep your mom wakes me up, and by the time I’m tired again she’s pregnant.

I had some jewelry once, and then your mom rolled over and Leonard DiCaprio was looking for the Blood Diamond.

When I was eating out your mom, I wrote the script for Escape to Witch Mountain.

Your mom was on Who Wants to be a Millionaire, and she lost on the question “Will you please stop eating, bitch?”

I went bowling with your mom once. I got three strikes, yelled out “Turkey!” and your mom grabbed a fork.

Your mom tried out for a role in Beetlejuice, when they said his name three times they realized it was just an echo from your mom’s asshole.

Your mom went to the zoo once, and they thought she had escaped from the elephant exhibit so they tasered her.

Your mom used to have an exhibit at the zoo, but when the keeper would yell “Do not feed the seals!” all the male visitors would put their cocks away.

Your mom tried to model for Victoria Secret once, but they fired her because they found out Victoria couldnt keep a mammoth secret.