I once hired a detective to follow your mom, but he kept getting stuck in drive-thru lines.

Your mom went to the airport, and when she walked through the body scanner all the security guards started attacking each other in fear.

When your mom tried on a fur coat at the mall, everyone panicked and the manager called the zoo.

I have a photo of your mom hanging on the wall, and people always ask me, “What dog breed is that?”

Your mom wears a shirt that says ”Eyes Over There,” pointing completely away from her.

Your mom stared long and hard into the mirror, but it wasn’t a mirror, it was a window, and everyone outside was screaming in horror.

I held down shutter to focus my camera on your mom’s ass, but it couldn’t decide which hole to focus on.

I went to whore.com, but it was just your mom’s Facebook page.

Webster’s Dictionary sent your mom a bill because she redefines the word “cow” and they had to reprint everything.

I caught your mom masturbating with a lollipop, and off in the distance, Willy Wonka screamed in fury.

When Smokey the Bear saw your mom in the woods, he set her on fire.

When your mom came out to the swimming pool, the lifeguard pointed at her and blew his whistle non-stop until he passed out.