I asked your mom if she could give me her famous beach experience, but instead she gave me crabs and told me to get out.

Your mom is so fat, that when I tried to paint her in Photoshop the program ran out of ink and memory.

Once I did a cannonball into your mom’s pussy, and then David Hasselhoff saved me from drowning.

Your mom emailed me her picture, and when I looked my computer crashed due to unsupported resolution.

Your mom sat on Cleveland, and when she stood up Lebron went to Miami.

When Obama was elected, they painted your mom white, she opened her mouth and the whole family moved in.

Your mom sat down on Facebook, and when she stood up there was a Farmville.

When your mom bends over, people wonder if Stephen Spielberg is remaking Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

I had some jewelry once, and then your mom rolled over and Leonard DiCaprio was looking for the Blood Diamond.

When I try to sleep your mom wakes me up, and by the time I’m tired again she’s pregnant.

Your mom was on Who Wants to be a Millionaire, and she lost on the question “Will you please stop eating, bitch?”

So your mom walks into a beauty salon, and every employee quits.