I thought the building was falling over, but it was just your mom leaning in her chair, reaching for a slice of pizza.

Your mom tried to model for Victoria Secret once, but they fired her because they found out Victoria couldnt keep a mammoth secret.

Your mom sat on my phone and when she stood up, Mel Gibson was yelling at me.

When I was eating out your mom, I wrote the script for Escape to Witch Mountain.

I took your mom out to eat at Arby’s and as we walked inside, a group of Hispanic men held out their plates under her vagina at the sight of roast beef.

Your mom used to be on Messenger, until Microsoft forced her to appear offline for violating webcam dimensions.

Your mom came over last night and said she had to take a shit, so I cleared out the basement and she squatted at the doorway.

Once I served your mom some meatballs, but the oven wasn’t even working.

Bill Clinton met your mom, he was so inspired he got a blowjob from Monica Lewinsky.

I ran into your mom the other day. She made a huge dent in my car, the fucking bitch!

Your mom escaped authorities by wearing a disguise and pretending you were a girl. Ten years later, she’s in jail with the male population and you’re going by the name “Biscuit”.

Your mom walks by homeless hobos carrying buckets of chicken, and when they reach out begging for a spare wing she barks and snarls at the moon.