The baboon at the zoo died just before opening day, so your mom colored her ass with crayons, climbed into the cage, and the zoo was saved.

I saw your mom’s photo on Facebook, then realized I was on whores.com.

If your mom was a building, she’d be a dollar store.

Your mom took off her clothes and reached for a Tom Petty album. I quickly shouted, “Free Falling!” and ran out of the room, laughing like a dick.

When your mom spread her legs, all the fish in the sea got homesick.

Your dad asked me to pass the gravy, so I told your mom to crawl over to him.

I tried to type a love letter to your mom, but the helpful Paperclip from MS Word came running across the screen, screaming obscenities and then my computer crashed.

Your mom ordered the chicken fried steak, but I screamed to the waiter, “Hold the gravy!” and he looked at me with complete understanding, he himself was a motherfucker as well, and your mom was everyone’s practice.

I was eating a chicken fried steak, so I made a hole and started having sex but then your mom tried to stand up and I got gravy everywhere.

I reported your mom to the Better Whore Bureau, but they just turned off all the lights and wouldn’t answer the door every time I knocked.

When your mom goes to the airport, her vagina is counted as extra luggage.

I had trouble getting up this morning, but I finally managed to roll out from underneath your mom.