Your mom screamed with joy, then I saw her Amazon order for a new waffle maker.

I thought I was looking at a horse’s asshole, but it was just your mom yawning.

I tried to unzip your mom’s dress but I ended up in the basement.

Your mom snuck a meat salad into the clothing store and hid in the changing room. “Are you dressing?” the store manager called to her. “Oh yes,” she answered, “With Bleu Cheese!”

I asked your mom why her mouth was open so wide, then remembered she was getting ready for work.

Your mom climbed up a ladder and everyone assumed they were filming King Kong.

If your mom went on a diet, half the grocery stores in town would go out of business.

I asked your mom if she likes PC or Mac, and she said Macaroni.

Your mom tried to set her pubic hair on fire but no one would give her a light.

I asked your mom what she would do for five bucks, and later that day a semi truck delivered a printout of everything.

Your mom dropped a plate of pancakes, and when she bent over, a herd of buffalo perked up and came running.

I pried apart your mom’s butt cheeks with a crowbar, but then my hands slipped and the crowbar flew across the street and hit a cat.