I set my oven timer to 1 minute, and sure enough your mom came running.

Your mom thought she was dating a farmer, until he tried to milk her in the barn.

Your mom asked me to hold on, then she jumped into my arms and we crashed through the floor into someone else’s hotel room.

I was watching a documentary on retarded polar bears, then realized the TV was broken and your mom was just tying her shoes.

I bought a vacuum cleaner with 2-way suction, and your mom got really jealous.

Your mom sat on aluminum foil, and when she stood up there was a bag of Hershey’s Kisses.

Your mom screamed with joy, then I saw her Amazon order for a new waffle maker.

I thought I was looking at a horse’s asshole, but it was just your mom yawning.

I tried to unzip your mom’s dress but I ended up in the basement.

Your mom snuck a meat salad into the clothing store and hid in the changing room. “Are you dressing?” the store manager called to her. “Oh yes,” she answered, “With Bleu Cheese!”

I asked your mom why her mouth was open so wide, then remembered she was getting ready for work.

Your mom climbed up a ladder and everyone assumed they were filming King Kong.