I laid a hot dog across your mom’s feet, she looked down drooling but couldn’t reach it.

The baboon at the zoo died just before opening day, so your mom colored her ass with crayons, climbed into the cage, and the zoo was saved.

I saw your mom’s photo on Facebook, then realized I was on whores.com.

If your mom was a building, she’d be a dollar store.

Your mom took off her clothes and reached for a Tom Petty album. I quickly shouted, “Free Falling!” and ran out of the room, laughing like a dick.

When your mom spread her legs, all the fish in the sea got homesick.

Your dad asked me to pass the gravy, so I told your mom to crawl over to him.

I tried to type a love letter to your mom, but the helpful Paperclip from MS Word came running across the screen, screaming obscenities and then my computer crashed.