Your mom used my electric weed wacker to trim her bush, but it jammed in ten seconds and the whole neighborhood suddenly lost power.

I dropped your mom off late the other night, your dad asked why she was limping then she squealed uncontrollably.

I snuck into your mom’s bed and started to bone her, then I bumped elbows with your dad and we laughed ferociously into the night.

I walked into your mom’s bathroom and caught her peeing standing up.

I ordered buffalo wings, but your mom punched the guy when he knocked on the door because her vagina started throbbing at the smell of her ancestors.

I went bear hunting once and tried to sneak up on a grizzly, then your mom turned around and roared.

I took your mom to get baptized, then the preacher dipped her head in a bowl of his cum and cast her to the land of hookers.

Your mom saw Billy Joel in concert, and after that he never sang Innocent Man ever again.

Last Halloween I went trick-or-treating at your mom’s, when I reached into her candy dish my fingers came out covered in jizz and the innocence of every local man.

I cried the other night and didn’t understand why, when I regained my composure I realized your mom was making love to me.

I took your mom out to eat at McDonalds, the next day Hamburgler was on every milk carton.

Your mom once took a trip through Africa, then AIDS spread and everyone was starving.