I thought my house was on fire, but it was just your mom glowing after having sex with me.

I was in the mood for a light snack, so I packed your mom’s ass full of shrimp cocktail.

I asked your mom if she had any hidden talents, then she did an impersonation of herself by having sex with me and crying herself to sleep.

I was flipping through the channels and saw Survivorman, then the camera panned out and I saw the rest of your mom’s vagina.

I asked your mom if we could do it doggy style, so she shit on my carpet, knocked over my trash and started chasing my car down the street.

A local rock band needed a new drummer. So, they had your mom go face down on the ground with her giant hairy ass facing the sky, and they tested out drummers.

When your mom bends over, people wonder if Stephen Spielberg is remaking Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

I was having a dream about your mom, but then I realized it was a nightmare from which I could not awake.

Your mom asked me for a cigarette, so I lit my dick on fire and shoved it in her mouth.

I once flew all the way to the Grand Canyon, then realized I was just inside your mom’s vagina.

Your mom mowed my lawn once, but I don’t have a lawn… or a mower.

Once I served your mom some meatballs, but the oven wasn’t even working.