Your mom screamed with joy, then I saw her Amazon order for a new waffle maker.

I thought I was looking at a horse’s asshole, but it was just your mom yawning.

When they filmed the movie We Bought a Zoo, they didn’t know your mom was included, too.

I tried to unzip your mom’s dress but I ended up in the basement.

Your mom snuck a meat salad into the clothing store and hid in the changing room. “Are you dressing?” the store manager called to her. “Oh yes,” she answered, “With Bleu Cheese!”

Your mom drinks gravy like coffee.

I asked your mom why her mouth was open so wide, then remembered she was getting ready for work.

Your mom climbed up a ladder and everyone assumed they were filming King Kong.

If your mom went on a diet, half the grocery stores in town would go out of business.

I asked your mom if she likes PC or Mac, and she said Macaroni.

Tiger Woods friended your mom on Facebook, so he could play her holes.

Your mom tried to set her pubic hair on fire but no one would give her a light.